Some men show no signs of unhappiness before a breakup - you just wake up one day stunned and solo. Cosmo unmasks this confusing breed of boyfriend.
George Clooney and cocktail-waitress-turned-B-model Sarah Larson seemed to have a picture-perfect relationship: they went on romantic trips, were attached at the hip on motorcycles as well as the red carpet, and had an attraction to each other that was palpable. That is, until; it all evaporated one day about a year into the union. If you felt duped, imagine how Sarah felt!
But of course, George isn’t the first guy to bolt without ever having sent up a red flare. In face, experts say some men seek out - consciously or subconsciously - shorter-term, exclusive relationships for anywhere from 2 to 12 months, with no intention of going further. One theory as to why: These serial monogamists are chasing the intoxicating feeling of euphoria that’s felt more intensely at the beginning of a romance.
“At the start, there’s a physical high from the sexual attraction two people have for each other, and it’s also exciting because you’re experiencing a lot of firsts together,” says Los Angeles psychotherapist Vanessa Bell, PhD. Inevitably, though, you reach a plateau, and that’s when some men look for an out. “It’s not that they don’t like relationships,” insists Bell. “It’s that they’d rather not deal with long-term ones.”
In other words, they get out while the getting is truly still good.
Which begs the question: How do you avoid being blindsided by a there-one-day-gone-the-next-type? You can often spot this kind of guy early on. He has a wandering eye, tends to be vague about his plans, and has never had a relationship that lasted longer than 12 months. Down the line, there isn’t a precise moment or scenario that causes a switch to flip in a skittish dude’s brain, but there are usually precursors - relatively minor things, such as a bout of jealousy or a temporary separation. Present a significant relationship hurdle for a guy who isn’t committed enough to ride out a rough patch.
During these trying times, Krista Bloom, PhD, author of The Ultimate Compatibility Quiz, suggests asking yourself, Does he avoid talking about serious topics? Is he suddenly not as available? Is he less affectionate than normal? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, beware - he could have one foot out the door.
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