Cosmopolitan

Relationship Q&A

Question:

I've been with my boyfriend for four months now, we talk about the future and how we plan to be together but I still don't feel important to him! I always ask to see him. He doesn't make me feel like he's interested. Is this just me being selfish? from Lucille

Answer:

Lucille, luckily for you there’s an easy way to get a guy to act more interested. But firstly, you’ll need to understand this. Men are genetically created to be “hunters”. In other words, they thrive on actually having to hunt for their girlfriend, rather than her laying it all out on a plate for them. That becomes boring to them. It’s not your fault either – women have been told time and time again that it’s okay to call and ask a man out, it’s just that we can tend to go overboard. The trick here is to give him his space and let him come to you and “hunt” you for a little while. Pull back ever so subtly but surely, and you’ll notice the shift immediately.

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Comments (7)

  • It's OK. We know that it's quite acceptable 4 a female to not give a man everything he wants (usually meaning sex) if she wants to control him. He's just doing the same thing to u since u've been screaming 2 b treated equally 4 50 yrs. Feels good doesn't it.
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  • This is so true, it works. I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and every time he seems to be slacking or becomes slightly bored, i pull back the phone calls, and asking him to see me (even though i want to see him so much) and he gradually starts to see that i'm not always there for him whenever he needs me. Make your boy understand that you are the one who needs the loving and affection, and that he needs to be the one who makes more of an effort, thats how it should be.
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  • i agree, stay in charge. treat em mean (just a little) keep em keen =)
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  • No Dear, he is just treating you as a equal. Isnt that what you want? You say he is talking to you about the future and making plans with you. What else is there? Are you sure your just not pissed because the conversation doesnt revolve around you all the time. "soundbite - enought talking about me, lets talk about you. What do you think of me?" Sometimes equality is a bitch, and sometimes you are.
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  • Well, try the 'pull-back' techniques but beware and trust your instincts...I was with my man for 4 yrs, had the gut feeling that I wasn't all that 'special' to him..but I figured everyone is different, every relationship is different, don't be too needy...we broke up last year and I have now found a man who I know without a shred of doubt, thinks I'm amazing...you should feel like your partner thinks they are the lucky one to have you! It shouldn't requires games to figure it out...
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