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Drama Queen
Food for thought: A rut is a shallow grave. Do something a little differently every day.
I’ve known this guy for a year (we met online, but he’s 120 per cent legit!) We get on amazingly, (he's studious, not a big party person). He even wants to visit when I move two hours away next year. For a short period of time all he could talk about was sex (being virgins, we said we might lose it to one another). When I got a boyfriend here he became distant and seemed genuinely hurt. Then a couple months later he wrote on his Facebook page, "Four years, going strong.: Now my relationship is over, he seems so into me and I‘m at risk of falling in love.
It’s good to get to know a guy before you ever meet. If you are not actually meeting till next year, what is the chance of you establishing a relationship? There seems to be a huge distance issue. Perhaps are you falling for the concept of “love” with this guy? If he is so into you, how do you know except for words on a computer screen? Maybe that feels safe. That is, not having to deal with a real person. Meanwhile you are putting your own life on hold. When we rely on others to give us a sense we are lovable, we are not caring much for ourselves. Yes, we all need passion in our lives. It’s the petrol in our engine. Its keeps us alive and moving forward. Apart from this guy, what makes you feel passionate?? Is it the environment, or street kids, or some other worthy cause? Or do you write poetry or other artistic talents. Drive your energy out into the world in the now if you feel waiting for this guy is worth it. Balance your life by finding other ways to feel good. Relying on this guy to feel worthy of attention has a downside. Look at the big picture. Turn distance into an advantage.
I’ve been with my guy for ten years. We are a constant disappointment to each other as he drinks and doesn’t show up for days. I’d describe myself as an uptight soccer mum wannabe (I try my best) we are now on another one of our breaks where he is kicked out of home (usually I take him back because he cries and says he loves me). We have two kids, so that makes it hard to say no. I really don’t want to get back with him but I don’t know how I can stop it happening. I can’t stand the thought of either of us ending up with anyone else but I can’t see us growing old together either. Help me get off this merry-go-round. It's not fun or healthy.
Start by asking yourself what your really want. You have definitely identified what you don’t want. And you have accepted that you may be part of the problem. The rest is easy! So lets look at what you might want: Make your own list. Examples might be a harmonious relationship, in which you appreciate each other. A more chilled approach to the kids sporting activities. Perhaps you also want more quality time with the family, so there is less drinking time, and a strong sense of doing what is the best outcome for all four of you. You have to get into your own head to start this off. Keep focussing on what you do want, and talk to yourself about how good it feels to have a happier life. Even if it isn’t here yet. Be persistent.
Got drama? Email us and have your angst sorted by our resident Drama Queen, Gerda Foster.
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