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Drama Queen
Food for thought: there’s more to life than increasing its speed.
I am 23 and struggling. I work Monday to Friday but only for a couple of hours so I’m not making enough money to be able to save. I need to move out to make the relationship between my mum and I better. I moved out for a couple of months with my boyfriend who she didn’t like. I was under so much pressure from Mum that I ended the relationship. We still like each other and want to give it another go. Any advice or help you can give me would be awesome. I need to do this for myself!
Those are magic words: “I need to do this for myself.” It appears your relationship with your mother matters a lot to you. She offers advice, as she believes that doing so is a loving gesture. Like a child learning to walk, we need encouragement to get up and do it alone. This is where you can choose to communicate coming from your own power. Gratitude is one such way. List all that you are grateful for regarding your mum. Start thanking her. Do stuff for her. Give her your love in ways she recognizes, genuinely, and from your heart. As she receives this love from you, your relationship will change. This is not about finding a way to persuade your mum of your plans. No hidden agenda. Just by being genuinely grateful for all she has done for you over the years is enough to open both your hearts to understanding each other. This allows solutions to come without struggle or tension.
I tell others I love the single life but the truth is I hate it, I dread going home everyday after work to no one and going home from a night out alone. Everyone keeps asking me when I'm going to get a boyfriend but the truth is I don't know and I hate it when people ask because it upsets me. Every birthday I sit down and think to myself right this year I’m going to have a boyfriend, I’m going have sex with someone I love... but it hasn't happened and it sucks. Please help me.
It’s so human to want something we don’t have. Lots of people in relationships would like to be single! One of the laws of the universe is you can’t change anything by complaining. Complaining only gives you more of what you are complaining about. Stopping this self-destructive mind game is your first priority. You have been given some really good suggestions such as enjoying your life no matter what. What would also be helpful is to cut the “ I don’t have it” stuff in your head. Yes, you have tried positive thinking, and that is just part of the equation. You also need to look at the sabotage underneath those statements. Write your statement out, then let your pen write down all your shadow side responses. These are your hidden “I don’t deserve it” messages. Example: This year I’m going to have a boyfriend. Shadow side might say: Well you haven’t had one yet, or I can never find one, or I hate people asking me about it or when will this stop happening. All these type of statements have so much more emotional content than the positive one you said initially. Is it possible that for every positive statement you have thought many (subconscious) put-downs? Who is winning? So it’s time to start thinking deserving thoughts. List all your good qualities. Read this list often. Allow yourself to feel good about yourself. Then go out into the world with a light heart, and allow your own love to grow. The more love we feel the greater our power to create a magnificent life of love, joy, and harmony.
Do you have a question for our resident Drama Queen, Gerda Foster? Click here to email her.
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