Three reasons relationships fail

And what you can do to save them...

Dating guy after guy without any success in building a lasting relationship can be frustrating. But rather than groaning about how all men are jerks or that you must be fated to be single forever, you have to look at the common denominator in all your failed romances: you.

That sounds harsh, but it in no way means you're giving off man-repellent. Rather, you're probably making a wrong move that inadvertently shuts down the prospect of landing a steady dude who is right for you. "But if you step back and identify that error, you can address the problem," explains Dr David Hawkins, author of Are You Really Ready For Love?

To make this process easier, we asked love experts to lay out the most common relationship mistakes young women make. Our quick fixes will help you get on track toward becoming part of a couple.

Relationship mistake one: You've been picking the wrong guys
There are probably certain non-negotiable boyfriend attributes you're looking for — you should be attracted to him and he should be going places in life. But lots of girls forget to look at less obvious things that signal that you will mesh, such as character traits and lifestyle habits. You're an early riser, for example, yet you go to late-night bars where you constantly meet rocker night owls. See the potential for a mismatch here?

"It's not that you're picking men who won't make good boyfriends; they just aren't good boyfriend material for you," explains Dr Tina Tessina, author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again. One possible reason: you obsess over how the potential suitor feels about you rather than determining whether he fits into your life.

"Women worry so much about a guy's impression of them that they overlook certain qualities he has that make a big impact later on," says Dr Tessina.

Or perhaps you're caught up in how other people define a perfect partner. For example, he is Abercrombie cute, but that doesn't necessarily reflect the kind of boy you really dig.

To break this cycle, be honest about what's important to you, then seek out your type where you're likely to meet him. If you're career-minded, think about hitting up networking events that cater to professional men. Love sports? Odds are higher that you'll find an active guy at the gym than on a bar stool at the local pub.

As you begin dating, be on the lookout for hints that he's not a long-term option, such as that he's so busy working he can barely make time for you.

Relationship mistake two: you haven't been really ready

As you no doubt know, there's a tonne of pressure at this point in your life to be paired up. So it's easy to get swept into thinking that this is what is right for you. But you have to ask yourself: do you truly crave that kind of commitment or are you not quite ready to leave singlehood behind?

"Despite the stress to settle down, it's common for young women to prefer dating different guys rather than getting into something long-term," says psychotherapist Rhonda Findling, author of The Dating Cure. "Trying to force yourself to be part of a couple when you'd be happier solo could be the reason fledgling relationships have been failing."

Even if you are sure you want a serious thing, previous unions may have crumbled because you felt overwhelmed by the reality of commitment. As great as having a boyfriend is, some aspects of couplehood can seem stifling — like all that together time. It's normal to be freaked out, but if you're ready now for a relationship, you have to nip anxiety in the bud.

Next time you start seeing a guy, curb your commitment jitters by scheduling time apart. Also, it's a good idea to set the pace of the relationship so you only see each other once or twice a week at first. "The breathing room you allow yourself will make it a lot more comfortable to keep moving forward," says Findling.

Relationship mistake three: you weren't sharing your needs

Lots of women fall into this trap: instead of being upfront about what you want (for example, that you'd like him to call more), you expect him to know your needs automatically. "It's almost a test many women put men through: if he's the right guy, you assume that he should just get you and your expectations," explains Dr John Curtis, author of The Business of Love. Just as destructive is when women confuse having needs with being needy, so they keep quiet because they don't want to come across as demanding. But a successful romance means piping up.

Next time, be straight about what you crave. "Give your guy a simple heads-up about your needs that won't put him on the defensive," says Dr Hawkins. "If you want him to call more often, don't wait until the point where you get frustrated and scream 'I never hear from you!' Instead, say 'I like talking to you after a long day and I'd love it if you called more often. Maybe you could call me after you get into bed tonight?'"

Remember, guys aim to please. By phrasing it as an easy way to make you happy, he'll be likely to jump at the chance to do it.