Masturbation, for many people, is the entry point to discovering their own bodies. Under the comfort of the sheets, in the absence of others, can be a safe space to become familiar with your genitals, and understanding where it is you find pleasurable. But when it comes to mutual masturbation, the safety blanket is of—literally.
“Mutual Masturbation is the act of masturbating in front of, or with, your partner,” explains VUSH’s Somatic Sexologist, Lillie Brown.
“One of the main reasons people engage in mutual masturbation is because it’s so hot, but it also can be quite a vulnerable thing to do.”
Like most things in life, and particularly in the bedroom, being vulnerable often comes with its fair dose of nerves—but that shouldn’t mean it’s off limits. There are a number of benefits of engaging in mutual masturbation. It can leave individuals feeling empowered, through demonstrating to their partners what it is they like, it also allows couples to build a new layer of intimacy—or it might uncover some unknown kinks. But one of the most underrated benefits of mutual masturbation is that it’s one of the best forms of sex education.
“Yes mutual masturbation is dangerously hot, but you get to learn how to pleasure your partner from an expert…them,” Lillie explains.
“You get to witness how they touch themselves, what pace, rhythm and speed they like, including what erogenous zones they focus on.”
Below, Lillie provides a guide for getting into mutual masturbation, including how to ask your partner to engage, as well as recommendations for toys to make the experience more enjoyable.
The First Step of Getting Into Mutual Masturbation
Before considering mutual masturbation, it’s important to first understand your own body and what you enjoy. Feeling confident in your pleasure points, including what they look like, will enhance the experience for both you and your partner. To help ease any insecurities around showing your genitals to your partner, consider genital mapping.
“This is a process where you map the anatomical structures of your genitals,” Lillie explains. “I think this is a critical step for everyone with a vulva or penis to get intimately acquainted with their genitals.”
There are plenty of free diagrams and resources available online—just be cautious of sensationalised images, such as those found in magazines or non-scientific sources, as some are altered to fit beauty standards and don’t reflect the natural diversity of our genitals. Use a mirror or a hand mirror to examine each anatomical structure.
From there, you might also want to try masturbating in front of a mirror, to continue to build on your body awareness and visually associate different sensations with specific areas of your body—aiding in the discovery of what feels good and what doesn’t. This will make it easier to articulatley communicate your needs and desires to a partner.
“Genital mapping and pleasure mapping has a real flow on effect for partnered masturbation,” Lillie Says. “If we don’t understand our own body and our own anatomy it’s almost impossible for us to communicate that to a partner and be able to experience these intimate transcendental sexual experiences.”
How To Ask Your Partner To Engage in Mutual Masturbation
Even if you’ve been with your partner for a long time, asking them to engage in mutual masturbation can feel really edgy—and sometimes scary! Communication is key, and you should dedicate some time to speak with them about your desire, with an emphasis on why you’re interested in trying something new.
“This might be a desire to feel worshipped and revered or there might be a kink overtone, which would be remiss of me to gloss over when we are talking about mutual masturbation,” Lillie says.
If you’re not comfortable voicing your desires directly, consider sending your partner an article that explains mutual masturbation and express via text that it’s something you’d like to explore.
Another way to get your partner thinking about mutual masturbation is to buy them a toy (below we’ve listed some of our favourites from VUSH below). You might like to mention that you think it would be really hot to watch them use it, but it’s also a great way for them to engage in solo masturbation and become familiar with their own pleasure points.
If your partner isn’t ready to engage in the act, it’s important to respect where they’re at. They might need some time to reflect and take steps to build their confidence, which could eventually lead to mutual masturbation in the future.
Three Sex Toys To Try
For many of us, our favourite form of masturbation involves a toy—and you’re encouraged to bring them into mutual masturbation, too. You might also want to ask your partner to use toys on you during mutual masturbation, which can be a great way to practice directing them and communicating your pleasure points.
Sol Vibrating Stroker
VUSH offers an incredible Sol Stroker, which is perfect for people with a penis. It has ribs in all the right places and includes a vibrating bullet for added sensations. With up to 10 different pleasure settings, it can be fun to discover and explore together.
Clitoral Stimulator
If you have a vulva, consider the Empress Tidal Rechargeable Clitoral Stimulator from VUSH. This stimulating vibrator uses frequency pulsations to stimulate deep within the clitoral network. There are six patterns with eight levels of intensity to explore. Discover your favourite points before incorporating it into mutual masturbation with your partner.
Rabbit Vibrator
Another excellent option for vulva owners is the Glow Pink Rabbit Vibrator, a best-seller at VUSH. This toy provides blended pleasure with internal G-spot stimulation and external clitoral stimulation, offering the best of both worlds. Plus, your partner can observe and learn which areas bring you the most enjoyment.
