From Halloween to Valentine’s Day; this time of year is one filled with loved-up couples, romantic gestures—cue the “to me, you are perfect“ signs from Love Actually—and family gatherings. But what if you’re just looking to keep things fun and casual?
If commitment isn’t on your radar but you still want to explore connections (and, let’s face it, have some good sex), a friends with benefits (FWB) relationship can be the perfect way to enjoy intimacy without emotional baggage.
But the no-strings-attached arrangement has a reputation for being a little… tricky, to say the least. But it doesn’t have to be! Scroll on for your playful, practical guide to making a FWB set-up work—including the friends with benefits rules to abide by to keep things casual, not complicated.
Is Being Friends With Benefits a Bad Idea?
Friends with benefits arrangements have a bad wrap, but the rep may not be justified.
“The biggest myth is that FWB relationships are shallow, a way to dodge commitment or doomed for disaster—not true,“ says dating expert Sera Bozza.
A well-communicated FWB setup allows both partners to explore intimacy on their own terms, without the pressure of traditional relationship milestones. When done intentionally, it can create a fulfilling connection that suits your lifestyle.
FWB relationships can be a liberating way to explore intimacy without the weight of commitment—especially during the holiday season. As Sera notes, “A FWB can be fun and fulfilling and a great way to learn what you like in a relationship and create something on your terms and timeline.”
Related: 30 First Date Ideas That Don’t Suck
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Friends With Benefits Rules
1. Honesty is the best policy
Transparency is the backbone of any FWB setup, and being upfront from the start is essential for keeping things fun, casual and drama-free.
Whether you’re chatting with someone new on a dating app or reconnecting with a familiar face, radical honesty is key.
If you’re using dating apps, Sera recommends taking advantage of tools like Tinder’s Relationship Goals feature. “Use [it] to set your intentions in your profile from the get-go,“ she says. Once you’re chatting, don’t hesitate to state exactly what you want. Sera suggests a simple, direct approach: “I’m looking for something casual and fun with someone who’s after the same. How does that align with you?“
2. Define intentions & expectations early
FWB relationships might be casual, but they still need structure. There are key conversations to have upfront to keep things running smoothly.
“Cover boundaries, intentions and timelines: what you’re comfortable with, what you want out of this (and what you don’t), and the ‘exit strategy‘ if things change,“ says Sera.
Discuss how often you’ll meet up, whether you’re exclusive and if social events are part of the deal. And remember, this isn’t a one-time chat. Keeping the conversation going is crucial to ensure you both remain on the same page as things evolve.
3. Work out how to handle external pressure
One of the most complicated parts about a friends with benefits arrangement can be explaining it to—or hiding it from—other people.
Especially during busy periods like Christmas or Easter, nosy family members or friends might prod and poke at your love life. Agreeing on how much you’re comfortable sharing, and setting clear boundaries around expectations, is imperative.
“The holidays are filled with emotional landmines: those once-a-year life updates with estranged relatives and the deep, introspective questions that rear their ugly (but necessary) heads as New Year’s approaches,“ Sera notes.
It’s important to clarify your FWB arrangement early to avoid getting caught up in the chaos. Are you attending social events together? Will there be gifts? Or are you both keeping it strictly casual? Sera advises,
“Set expectations with them, but don’t forget yourself. Don’t let holiday pressure push you into commitment mode if that’s not where you’re at.“ Stick to your boundaries and enjoy the perks of a FWB relationship without giving in to the stickybeaks.
4. Protect your heart
Feelings can still creep in even if you’re committed to keeping things casual.
To protect your heart, it’s important to set emotional boundaries and maintain a full life outside your FWB. “Feelings can develop whether we want them to or not,“ says Sera. “So, know yourself well enough to keep your heart (and calendar) in check.“ Make sure your FWB isn’t your only emotional outlet — prioritise friendships, hobbies and self-care. By maintaining balance, you’ll avoid getting too attached. If feelings start to develop, check in with yourself. “If you start craving a long-term connection elsewhere, stop kidding yourself and go for that,“ says Sera.
Staying self aware and independent is the best way to protect your emotions.
5. Safety First
In any FWB relationship, staying physically safe is just as important as keeping things emotionally clear. Open communication about sexual health, testing and protection is a must.
“Voicing that you want to keep things safe is part of the deal,“ says Sera. “A quick health chat covering testing and protection is a (sexy) sign of mutual respect.“
Discussing sexual health upfront shows care for both yourself and your partner. When it comes to initiating the conversation, keep it simple and straightforward. Prioritising safety is the ultimate self-care move.
Related: A Convincing Case For Going All-In On a Short-Term Relationship
How To End a Friends With Benefits Scenario?
Or should we say, how to dot it *gracefully.*
“Trust your gut,“ Sera advises. “If you’re not having fun, catching unreciprocated feelings or starting to feel held back from something more fulfilling, it’s time to wrap it up.“
End things cleanly and kindly—no ghosting or slow fading. Sera suggests a direct approach: “I’ve enjoyed this, but it’s run its course for me.“
Ending the relationship respectfully protects both your emotional well-being and theirs, and helps avoid unnecessary drama.
Happy holiday hookups!
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