Dating is tricky for anyone, but with ADHD, it’s like a rollercoaster with extra twists. From impulsivity to hyperfocus, navigating romance with ADHD can be both thrilling and challenging.
The good news? Those ADHD quirks you might worry about can actually make you an incredible partner. Here’s how to navigate the twists and turns of dating with ADHD…
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First Things First, Reframe
ADHD brings energy, enthusiasm and out-of-the-box thinking — all of which can make you magnetic to the right partner.
“I would first encourage you to embrace your uniqueness as a strength rather than a flaw,” says dating, attraction and relationship coach Jiveny Blair-West.
Still, self-awareness is key and pacing yourself is essential — ADHD or not. “By taking things one step at a time … you can intentionally create the foundation for a balanced, fulfilling relationship one date at a time,” Jiveny adds.
Make the Apps Work For You
“Our data shows that 43 per cent of Hinge users with ADHD sometimes forget to respond,” says Moe Ari Brown, Hinge’s love and connection expert.
Features like Hinge’s Your Turn Limits — which prevents users from matching with others if they have too many unanswered messages — can help. “It gently encourages users to prioritise the matches they already have … creating space to be fully present and intentional,” Moe explains.
Finding the Right Balance
Living and loving at full speed? That’s ADHD’s charm — and its challenge. “Impulsivity might lead to hasty decisions or overdisclosing in the heat of the moment,” says Jiveny. Hyperfocus, on the other hand, can overwhelm a new partner. To find balance, start with awareness. Ask yourself: Is this helping or hindering the relationship?
If you take ADHD medication, timing can make a difference. “Traditionally, doctors prescribe ADHD meds to focus at work, but it’s now being recognised that taking the meds before important interactions with people is equally worthwhile,” Jiveny explains.
Consult your GP or another health professional to determine the best approach for your specific needs.
"Keep it simple and honest — ADHD is just one part of your story"
When to Tell a Partner About Your ADHD
When opening up about ADHD, timing matters. “I recommend waiting until a genuine connection has formed, such as on a second, third or fourth date, to share this information,” says Jiveny. This approach gives your partner time to see you as a whole person before telling them. “Sharing it at the right time is a thoughtful form of pacing that allows someone to take it on board within the larger context of who you are,” Jiveny adds.
Keep it simple and honest — ADHD is just one part of your story.
Staying Present On Dates
ADHD can make focus tricky, but there are ways to stay grounded in the moment. “It can be helpful to suggest an activity that keeps you engaged and moving, like going for a walk or doing something interactive,” Jiveny advises. Put your phone out of sight (yes, seriously) and reset with a deep breath if your mind wanders. Use curiosity as your secret weapon — everyone has a story worth hearing. Find out what excites your date, and the conversation will flow naturally
Be Mindful of the Novelty Trap
ADHD loves novelty, but chasing excitement can sometimes come at the expense of deeper connections. “Novelty, by definition, cannot be the basis of a long-term, successful relationship,” says Jiveny.
If you’re looking for commitment, reflect on what truly matters — your values, goals and what you want in a partner. If you tend to chase exciting but unavailable people, it might be worth exploring what’s behind that pattern. True love might not feel as flashy at first, but it often leads to a more meaningful, lasting connection.
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Communication For Better Connections
Clear communication is key to avoiding misunderstandings. “Be upfront about your communication preferences,” says Moe Ari Brown. For instance, if texting isn’t your thing, let your match know you prefer phone calls or scheduled chats.
Small adjustments — like setting reminders to respond — can keep conversations flowing and build momentum.
Dating with ADHD has its challenges, but it also brings energy, creativity and excitement to relationships. By embracing your strengths, pacing yourself and communicating openly, you can build fun and meaningful connections.
This article originally appeared in Issue 04 of Cosmopolitan Australia.
