As swiping left, ghosting and breadcrumbing have become the norm, it’s no wonder so many women are fed up with dating. In today’s dating landscape, where emotional unavailability and superficial connections are all too common, it’s becoming harder to find the emotional connection and respect women crave.
As a dating coach, I’ve seen it all. Some find themselves stuck in a loop of deleting and redownloading dating apps, while others choose to go ‘boy sober,’ abstaining from physical affection from physical affection for extended periods. But a controversial new alternative is gaining traction—hiring male escorts. Once a hush-hush option, this choice is now more popular with younger women who want more than just fleeting flings. Whether it’s bouncing back from a bad breakup, owning their sexuality or diving into intimacy in a safe, judgment-free zone, escorts are offering something new—a fresh, no-strings alternative to celibacy and the rollercoaster of modern dating.
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“It’s definitely a growing trend,“ says Anna Grosman, who founded escort agency Her Confidant after years of working in the industry. She saw a growing demand for a service tailored to women’s needs, offering a safe and empowering space for intimacy I have clients in their 20s and 30s who have come out of horrific relationships where there’s been sexual, physical, emotional and financial abuse. They’re looking for a safe place to learn, grow, have fun, find themselves and explore with good-hearted, caring men. And some younger clients just want to have fun and a great fuck.“ Anna started her agency after hearing story after story from women who were frustrated with modern dating. “The idea for Her Confidant came from conversations with friends who were fed up with the lack of quality options for women “I’ve had clients who only know intimacy through trauma. They come to me because they want to feel safe, in control and heard seeking intimacy on their terms,“ she says.
Brisbane-based escort Rhys Phillips regularly works with clients dealing with body-confidence issues or past trauma. “I’ve had clients who only know intimacy through trauma. They come to me because they want to feel safe, in control and heard,“ he explains. He avoids triggers, like walking behind clients to help them feel secure.
Michael Lewis, a male companion based in Sydney, takes a similar approach. “A lot of my clients have anxiety from past experiences or dating apps. With me, they know they can relax,“ he says. And while people might assume women hire escorts to live out wild sexual fantasies, Michael reveals the truth is far simpler: “The most common fantasy I encounter is just feeling desired and respected.“
“Know what you’re getting into, set boundaries and have safety measures like telling a friend where you are.”
After years of dating disappointments, Alexandra turned to an escort for a change. “I wanted a high-quality sexual experience that included dignity, fun, equality and communication,“ she says. She was surprised at how empowering it felt to openly discuss her desires with someone emotionally mature. “It changed how I approach dating and intimacy.“ Charlotte, who struggled with body image after childbirth, sought out an escort to regain her confidence. “I didn’t want anything that would make me overthink. I just wanted something fun and pleasurable,“ she says.
According to Michael, many of his clients see escorts as a confidence booster before diving back into the dating pool. “For some, hiring an escort is a way to rebuild their self-esteem before trying dating apps or starting a new relationship,“ he explains.
Alexandra agrees: “The experience definitely influenced how I approach dating and how I want to feel in a relationship,“ she shares. “Some months after my session, I met my partner – a gorgeous, emotionally mature man whose sexual skills are on par with [my escort’s].“
Rhys also works with clients who want to regain their confidence before dating again. “I met a client, and after three hours of talking, she felt comfortable holding hands. That was a success for me, and it was heartwarming to be able to provide that.“
Related: Can Friends With Benefits Ever Work?
What Happens When You Pay For an Escort?
So, what does a typical session with an escort look like? Michael says his popular “dinner date“ package blends social time with intimate moments. “It’s two hours of a social outing and two hours behind closed doors,“ he explains. This setup lets clients experience an old-school date—getting dressed up, going out for dinner and enjoying a meaningful connection without the usual awkwardness of modern dating. “My clients love a special night where they can feel glamorous, wear that dress they’ve been saving, and actually enjoy a fun, satisfying night.“
Rhys, however, reminds clients that escorts aren’t there to replace real relationships. “I’m not here to replace a relationship. I’m just here to supplement it – helping clients understand what they deserve in future dating. If you’re settling for something that compromises your well-being, you deserve better,“ he says.
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The safe, judgment-free space escorts offer allows women to reconnect with their bodies and desires at their own pace. “For many clients, it’s about knowing they can take things at their own pace,“ Rhys explains. By providing emotional safety, he helps clients explore intimacy without the pressure.
As more women turn to male escorts, it signals a larger shift in modern dating culture – where women are reclaiming control of their sexuality and intimacy without the pressures of traditional relationships. Anna notes that ghosting, lack of respect and shallow encounters on dating apps have pushed many women to look for more fulfilling alternatives. “The way we date is changing,“ she says. “The frustrations of modern dating are leading women to choose something more intentional and satisfying.“
Michael agrees, noting how dating apps create an illusion of choice. “Dating apps make it seem like you have endless options, but so many of those options lead nowhere,“ he says. Swiping left and right often leaves women emotionally drained, while hiring an escort offers a direct, no-strings-attached experience where clients can explore their desires without the stress of modern dating.
And who’s hiring male escorts? According to Anna, it’s not who you’d expect. “One of the biggest misconceptions is that women hiring escorts must be unattractive or have something wrong with them,“ she says. “My clients are extraordinary. They’re CEOs, doctors, lawyers, teachers, single mums, widows and entrepreneurs.“ Still, safety is key in this unregulated industry. “The number of male workers has exploded in the last five years,“ Rhys says. While some providers, like Rhys, hold high standards, not everyone does.
“I encourage clients to research thoroughly, treat it like a first date—know what you’re getting into, set boundaries and have safety measures like telling a friend where you are,“ he advises. He also stresses the importance of open communication. “I’ve had clients come to me after bad experiences with other providers because those conversations never happened.“
Safety is also a top priority for Anna, who vets her male companions with police and health checks. “This gives [clients] peace of mind and makes it so much easier for them to lock in a booking,“ she says.
As more women swap swiping for male escorts, it’s clear this shift is about way more than just a good time—though that’s a nice bonus. It’s about reclaiming control, boosting confidence and finding a safe space where their desires come first. Whether it’s healing from lousy dating experiences or exploring their sexuality without the usual dating drama, women are embracing this as a legitimate alternative—and, let’s be honest, modern dating could learn a thing or two from it.
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