Cunnilingus—also known as oral sex, giving head, going down or eating out—has long been clouded by myths and misconceptions. But when done right, it can be one of the most intimate and stimulating experiences you can share with a partner.
Whether you’re looking to perfect your technique, explore new positions, turn up the heat with toys, or simply avoid fatigue, we’ve got the ultimate guide to mastering the art of giving (or receiving) cunnilingus. Keep reading for oral sex tips that will take your head game to the next level—and everything else you could possible want to know about cunnilingus.
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What Is Cunnilingus?
Cunnilingus is the art of giving oral sex to a person with a vulva.
“Cunnilingus can be incredibly pleasurable for both the giver and the receiver and can involve licking, sucking, and flicking the tongue in various ways, as well as incorporating hands into the experience,” explains somatic sexologist Bonnie Bliss.
Where To Begin With Cunnilingus
Understanding the anatomy of the vulva is vital in giving spine tingling oral sex.
While the clitoris often takes centre stage—and for good reason—don’t make the mistake of missing other essential areas.
“The clitoris is an important area to focus on, but it’s not everything,” says Bonnie. She suggests paying attention to the whole vulva, including the litoral hood, labia minora (inner lips), labia majora (outer lips) and the entrance of the vagina.
Before diving into genital contact, start by engaging in whole-body teasing. According to Bonnie, “Teasing the whole body before any genital contact is important [such as] caressing, stroking and exploring.” As arousal builds, you’ll notice the vulva changing in response by swelling, becoming more sensitive and even changing colour as blood flows to the area.
How To Gauge Your Partner's Pleasure
When it comes to cunnilingus, there’s no ‘one size fits all’ approach. Everybody is unique, and what works wonders for one person might not do much for another. That’s why tuning into your partner’s body and preferences is crucial.
“Pay attention to their breathing, their movement [and] their sounds,” suggests Bonnie. For instance, if your partner moves their vulva closer to your mouth or starts rocking their body, it’s a strong sign that they’re enjoying what you’re doing. Changes in breathing patterns can also be a good indicator of rising pleasure.
Verbal communication is equally important, and it doesn’t have to disrupt the flow of the moment. “It won’t ‘ruin the mood’ to say something, and there are many simple ways to check in without going into a whole conversation,” says Bonnie. “Try ‘Does that feel good?’ or ‘How’s the pressure for you there?’”
Do You Need Lube For Oral Sex?
Lubrication plays a crucial role in making cunnilingus a pleasurable and comfortable experience. But sometimes natural lubrication isn’t enough, or maybe you want a little extra for a smoother experience.
“Saliva also acts as a natural lubricant when giving oral pleasure,” suggests Bonnie. You can also use a personal lubricant when receiving oral pleasure if you prefer. “If you opt for additional lube, it’s important to choose one that’s safe for the vulva,” says Bonnie. “Make sure you choose a water-based lube that uses vegan, medical-grade glycerin.” This ensures that the lube enhances the experience without causing irritation or disrupting the delicate pH-balance of the vulva.
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How To Avoid Getting Tired While Giving Head
Extended sessions of cunnilingus can be physically demanding for the giver, but there are a few ways you can avoid discomfort.
“The most popular cunnilingus position is with the receiver on their back,”says Bonnie, “but it also works for them to be lying on the edge of the bed with the giver on the floor.” This position allows for better access without neck or back strain.
To further enhance comfort, consider using pillows or specially designed sex wedges to make it easier to maintain your position without discomfort.
“You might like to prop a pillow under their hips to reach more easily without neck discomfort,” Bonnie recommends. And don’t be afraid to take breaks or slow down—there’s no need to maintain the same pace throughout. This not only prevents fatigue but can build anticipation, further enhancing enjoyment.
How To Overcome Self-Consiousness
It’s common for cunnilingus to bring up feelings of self-consciousness, particularly
around body image and cleanliness. But these insecurities shouldn’t stand in the way of enjoying oral sex.
“Vulvas are like faces,” explains Bonnie. “They’re all unique and they’re not meant to look a certain way, despite the idea that many people get from watching porn.”
One of the most common concerns is about the smell or appearance of the vulva. It’s easy to worry about whether everything is ‘normal,’ but Bonnie reassures us that “vulvas also have a natural smell that is perfectly normal”. This natural scent is a sign of a healthy body, and there’s no need to feel embarrassed or ashamed. Of course, if you’ve had a particularly sweaty day, taking a shower might make you feel more confident, but there’s no need to resort to anything further.
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Try Incorporating Sex Toys
Incorporating toys and other tools when going down can take the experience to new heights. “The main tool I recommend incorporating into cunnilingus is your hands,” says Bonnie. Hands can be used in tandem with oral sex to heighten pleasure—gently stroking, teasing, or adding pressure to different areas of the vulva while your mouth is at work.
For those looking to experiment further, vibrators and suction toys can be great additions. “Some people like to use vibrators or suction toys alongside oral stimulation, which is possible too. It’s just a matter of personal preference,” says Bonnie.
This article originally appeared in Issue 02 of Cosmopolitan Australia. Get your copy and subscribe to future issues here.