Could your love life use a little spark? Roleplaying is the thing to shake things up and add excitement to your relationship. Whether you’re recreating a flirty first date or diving into a steamy fantasy, dressing up lets you step into your partner’s desires and explore your own. Plus, it’s a lot of fun.
If you’ve been curious about exploring a shared fantasy, here’s how to role-play with your partner.
What Is Roleplaying?
Role-playing isn’t just about adding some fun to the bedroom. It can help couples break out of routine and bring variety to intimate moments. Whether you’re trying out a new persona or indulging in a fantasy, roleplaying opens up endless possibilities.
“Incorporating role-play into your sexual repertoire can benefit your sex life for several reasons,” says sex and relationship therapist Aleks Trkulja. “Firstly, it diversifies the ways you can explore pleasure. Secondly, it encourages open communication about the scenarios you’d like to try, helping you learn more about your partner.”
Roleplaying also creates space for more meaningful conversations about desires, boundaries and preferences. As Aleks explains, “It allows you to play out specific fantasies or sexual desires,” which can build trust and create a safe space for intimacy.
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How To Get Into Roleplay
Starting with role-play can feel a little awkward, especially if it’s new for you or your partner. The key to easing into it is simple: open communication. If the idea of jumping into a full-blown scenario feels intimidating, start small.
You could introduce playful dialogue into your regular intimate moments or try adding simple accessories like a blindfold to explore new sensations without the pressure of elaborate costumes or scenes. Over time, as you get more comfortable, you can add more elements.
But before jumping into any scenario, it’s important to talk things through with your partner. “The best place to start is by discussing the idea of role-play,” advises Aleks. “It’s important to be on the same page about your expectations.”
This conversation helps you both get comfortable with the idea and provides space to ask questions, set boundaries and clarify what excites you (and what doesn’t). Aleks suggests creating a yes/no/maybe list to guide this conversation.
“You may not want to play out certain scenarios, and that’s totally fine. Make sure that ‘no‘ is heard and respected when discussing role-play options.”
For beginners, start with simple scenarios that don’t feel too over the top. A pretend bar meet-up, acting as strangers, or playful power dynamics, are great starting points. These don’t require elaborate costumes or props and allow you to explore new roles in a low-pressure way.
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How To Set Boundaries In Roleplay
Setting boundaries is essential when it comes to role-playing, helping avoid any feelings of insecurity, jealousy or discomfort. Role-playing should be fun, but it’s important that both partners feel safe and respected.
As Aleks says, “Any role-play that leaves someone feeling unsafe, insecure, ashamed or jealous isn’t achieving the goal of having fun together.” Before diving into a scenario, be sure to discuss your comfort levels openly. The yes/ no/maybe list can help clarify boundaries and ensure you’re both on the same page. For example, you might be open to exploring playful power dynamics (yes), but hesitant about more intense scenarios like medical role-play (maybe), and completely uncomfortable with anything involving pain (no). This way, both partners know exactly where the limits are, making the experience more enjoyable for everyone.
“Make sure that ‘no‘ is heard and respected,” adds Aleks. With boundaries in place, you can focus on enjoying the experience without worry.
Roleplay Storylines
Getting creative with role-play is all about finding what excites both of you. The key is to choose scenarios that feel arousing and enjoyable for both partners. “Decide what you and your partner find sexy and arousing. There’s no point in playing out a scenario that doesn’t appeal to you,” says Aleks.
Start by brainstorming fantasies you both share and build a storyline around them. If you’re new to role-play, keep it simple with scenarios like teacher/student, strangers meeting at a bar, or playful power dynamics like boss/employee.
These are great starting points that don’t require too much preparation. If you’re ready for something more elaborate, explore fantasy-world adventures or futuristic storylines. For instance, if you and your partner love historical dramas, you could step into a period role like a Victorian romance or channel the opulence of Bridgerton by playing high-society lovers sneaking away from a grand ball for a secret rendezvous. The mix of forbidden romance and period costumes can heighten the excitement.
The key is to find a theme that thrills both of you. The possibilities are endless, so tailor the experience to your shared desires.
Need inspiration? Read erotic stories, watch TV shows or listen to podcasts that explore role-playing scenarios. Pay attention to what excites you, and incorporate those elements into your own scenes.
How To Get Over Feeling Shy
It’s totally normal to feel shy or self-conscious during role-play, especially at first. The good news is you can ease into it, and there’s no need to be perfect. Role-playing is meant to be fun, so don’t stress if things feel awkward.
“If you’re feeling embarrassed or self-conscious, you can always pause or stop. Check in with your partner to make sure what you’re saying or doing is working for them,” says Aleks.
If you need to stop the scene to laugh, adjust or take a breather, go for it. You can always pick up where you left off when you’re ready
Adding Toys
Incorporating props and costumes into roleplay doesn’t have to feel like a big production. You can keep it simple and still amp up the excitement. Aleks suggests low-key options—such as sex toys your partner controls remotely or wearing lingerie under your clothes—to build anticipation.
Small touches, like a tie or glasses, can also enhance the experience without overwhelming you. These subtle props allow you to indulge in your fantasy while keeping things comfortable and accessible.
Breaking Character
Maintaining the flow of a role-play scene can be tricky. To keep things running smoothly, plan ahead. Aleks recommends discussing the details of the scenario beforehand, so both partners know what to expect.
This way, you can focus on the fun without needing to stop for clarification. For more intense scenes, using a safe word is essential. “Many people use safe words unrelated to the scene to clearly indicate when they want to stop,” Aleks explains.
If speaking isn’t an option, use pre-agreed hand signals to communicate.
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How To Build Anticipation
For long-distance couples or those new to role-playing, text-based or virtual role-play is a great way to build anticipation. It lets you ease into the experience without the pressure of being face-to-face. Focus on what excites you about the scenario.
“Discuss what it is about that fantasy that turns you on,” Aleks suggests.
Sharing these details helps build excitement and sets the tone for what’s to come.
Lastly, remember that role-playing is supposed to be fun! It’s not about getting everything right or having the perfect performance.
“The point of role-playing is to connect with your partner and explore fantasies in a lighthearted way,“ Aleks reminds us.
So, let go of any pressure to be perfect and just enjoy the ride.

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This article originally appeared in Issue 03 of Cosmopolitan Australia.
