Chantelle Otten is back with season 2 of her beloved Audible Original series, Sex Therapy—and this season, the Psychosexologist and Relationship Expert is diving deeper into the world of intimacy, pleasure, and personal growth. Season 2 boasts a fresh lineup of topics, with each episode taking you inside Chantelle’s therapy sessions with anonymous, real-life patients.
Whether you’re curious about enhancing your sex life or just love a good dose of sex-positive wisdom, this season is sure to leave you enlightened. Ahead, discover Cosmopolitan Australia Editors’s three biggest takeaways from the season, and scroll on to listen to your ultimate guide to embracing and celebrating your desires.
takeaways from sex therapy 2...
Dwindling desire in long term relationships doesn’t happen in a vacuum
In Sex Therapy Season 2 Episode 6, Chantelle speaks with a woman in her early thirties who has found her desire for sexual intimacy disappear at the two year mark of multiple relationships.
Unpacking it, Chantelle notes that “intimacy can mean so many different things at the start of a relationship—you’re talking about passion, spontaneity … You feel like, where were you my whole life?” However, she tells the patient that at the 18 month to two year mark, this will typically begin to change. “That’s when you turn over and you go, ‘okay, all right, here I am. Do I still want to pick this person?’ The cracks start to show.”
Unpacking the patient’s behavioural patterns (outside of the bedroom), Chantelle explains that her ”tendency to sacrifice her own needs and desires in an effort to be perceived as perfect has been negatively impacting many areas of her life, including intimacy.” She adds, “She’s also dealing with high levels of stress as a result of common societal expectations.”
Rather than focusing exclusively on desire in relationships, this episode delves into the patient’s core beliefs, behaviour and priorities. In doing so, Chantelle highlights that dwindling desire does not exist in a vacuum. Rather, to deal with it, it is important to look at what else is going on in you or your partner’s life, and what is potentially influencing one of both of you to pull back from intimacy.
No, pain is not normal
If you have always or often experienced pain during sex, it is easy to believe that the sensation is normal. Chantelle and Cosmo are here to assure you that—despite what dismissive doctors might tell you—it’s not!
In Season 2 Episode 8 of Sex Therapy, Chantelle speaks with a woman in her twenties who suffers from vaginismus and vulvodynia.
“Our brains and our bodies don’t always work in tandem when it comes to sexual desire and pleasure,” Chantelle explains in the episode. For some patients, this can lead to sexual pain. In some cases, trying to identify the causes and how to treat this pain becomes a long and winding road.”
The episode underscores the importance of advocating for yourself, and addresses how unfortunately common it is that patients’ concerns are dismissed by health practitioners.
“It’s concerning how frequently patients report being pushed beyond their comfort levels, leading to increased distress, and anxiety and discomfort,” sys Chantelle, of her patient being pushed by a pelvic floor physio. “These experiences show there’s a gap in understanding and application of treatment plans, often leaving individuals feeling misunderstood and frustrated.”
“These common sexual concerns are still not discussed to the level they should be. For many individuals, this results in unclear treatment plans, unnecessary ongoing pain, immense frustration,and even a sense of hopelessness. With one in five vulva owners experiencing painful sex at some point in their lives, the need for high quality and effective care is urgent and crucial,” Chantelle adds.
If you or someone close to you is experiencing sexual pain, this episode is not only an affirming listen, an acknowledgement that your pain is not normal and you deserve to be listened to and believed.
Your sex concerns might be deeper than you think
In Season 2 Episode 5, Chantelle speaks with a woman who has been married for 12 years to her first and only sexual partner. The patient notes that she and her husband have mis-matched libidos, which Chantelle says is a “common concern in long term relationships, but that doesn’t mean solutions are always simple.”
As she explains across the episode, this patient’s lower sex drive appears to come from other factors, including a struggle to express her emotions or articulate her needs, rather than a specific dislike of sex.
In the episode, Chantelle mentions a sexual iceberg diagram. “It shows how on the surface, patients come to me with a common sexual concern, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg because it’s all relative to other factors hidden beneath the surface.”
She adds, “This can include biological issues like chronic pain, psychological elements like self esteem, interpersonal factors, like life stressors and relationship status; and socio-cultural impacts—so our upbringing, the cultural norms we grew up with—and societal expectations placed on us.”
You may find more benefit from working on these internal effectors, rather than focusing exclusively on the sex.
Listen to ‘Sex Therapy 2: Sessions with Chantelle Otten,’ only on Audible here.
