What does #SelfLove mean to you? Do you turn yourself on? Would you prefer to have sex with yourself over some one else? If so, you might be autosexual.
Autosexuality is where someone feels sexual attraction primarily towards themselves. As Certified Sex Educator Emma Hewitt explains, “just like all sexuality, autosexuality exists on a spectrum (and most of us experience some form of autosexual tendencies at some point).”
“Self-love, masturbation, dancing or stripping in front of the mirror to get turned on by yourself, can all be considered a form of autosexuality,” Emma adds, “But for those who identify as autosexual, it usually goes beyond this.”
Curious? Whether you think you might be asexual or have found yourself curious after Kourtney Kardashian spoke about it on her blog, POOSH; scroll on for everything else you need to know about autosexuality.
What Does 'Autosexual' Mean?
“Someone who is primarily autosexual generally prefers experiencing sexual pleasure and eroticism by themselves and may be more attracted to themself than others,” Emma explains. However, she adds they may still experience attraction for—and have sex with—other people.
While someone who is entirely autosexual is solely turned on by themself and does not have sex with others, as Emma mentioned, autosexuality is a spectrum.
Plus, just because someone is autosexual, it doesn’t mean they aren’t interested in fostering emotional and romantic connections with others—they just only experience sexual pleasure with themselves.
Autosexuality is sometimes associated with narcissism, a conflation that can potentially be offensive. “Autosexuality is a sexual preference, whereas narcissism is a personality disorder,” Emma explains.
She adds, “A narcissist’s ego is dependent on other people whereas, for autosexuals, other people don’t necessarily factor in at all. It’s better to consider it a form of total self-love and acceptance that expresses itself in sexual pleasure and eroticism with oneself.”
Related: Top Tips For Hotter Car Sex
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How Do You Know If You're Autosexual?
It’s important to note that sexuality exists on a spectrum and yours can evolve over time. As Emma notes, “autosexuality might be a temporary thing for some people, or a lifelong sexuality for others.”
If you have sexual feelings onset by thoughts, images, or fantasies involving yourself, or you get turned on from seeing yourself naked in the mirror, these are signs you could potentially be autosexual.
According to Emma, some other signifiers of asexuality are:
- You get seriously turned on by yourself and find you become most aroused thinking about yourself rather than others
- You only reach orgasm when you fantasise about yourself, even if you are having sex with someone else
- You prefer to look at photos or videos of yourself to become aroused rather than watching porn or looking at other people
- Your sexual fantasies only include you and never anyone else
- You prefer masturbation to partnered sex and experience more pleasure by yourself than you can with others
- You develop sexual attraction only for people who look similar to you or share specific features with you
Can You Enjoy Sex With a Partner If You're Autosexual?
If you are autosexual, you may still be interested in having sex with other people (like we said—it’s a spectrum!) but it means intercourse might look a little different for you.
“Take time to understand yourself and find where you sit on the autosexual spectrum,” Emma advises, suggesting some things to consider: “Do you prefer masturbation to partnered sex but still want to have sex with [a partner] too from time to time? Or is partnered play off the cards but you want a partner for the romantic and emotional closeness that a relationship brings? This may develop over time but the more you can understand where you are, the better you will be able to discuss it with a partner.”
She adds that it will help to talk to your partner about it, explaining to them what exactly autosexuality is (hey—feel free to send them this article), where you sit on the spectrum and what that means in the context of your relationship.
“Be as honest as you can so that the two of you can find some middle ground and have both of your needs met,” says Emma. “And don’t feel guilty for prioritising solo pleasure if that’s what you need! Sexual pleasure and sexual satisfaction are important and you deserve to feel both of them.”
Related: ‘I Finally Came Out To My Boyfriend & He Fetishised My Sexuality’
How To Support a Partner Who is Autosexual
If your partner is autosexual, it is important to actively educate yourself about autosexuality.
“There is so much diversity within autosexuality, so being non-judgemental and open to these conversations will encourage your partner to explore what autosexuality means to them and how the two of you can explore that together,” Emma advises. “Be open about your own sexual needs and desires within the relationship. The more the two of you can communicate, the more likely you are to find a happy middle ground where you both get your needs met.”
Plus, try not to take it personally if you notice your partner looking at themself more than you during sex. Getting turned on by themself doesn’t mean they don’t want you there or aren’t enjoying the play.
